Moral Money: our reader hopes a trust will guarantee their child’s financial security
Dear Moral Money,
We have three adult children (all married) and plan to divide our estate equally among them.
However, one daughter’s husband is a classic narcissist and has spent a decade separating her from her extended family. When she was diagnosed with cancer, he called us and announced that he would take care of her, and we were not to be involved or to call.
We have swallowed all of this because we don’t want to add to her anxiety, and we want to see our daughter and grandchildren on occasion, but now we are updating our will.
This son-in-law is smart, extremely money-focused and miserly. If she leaves him, I think she would not get a fair accounting. Because I distrust and dislike my daughter’s husband, I plan to keep her inheritance in a separate trust as solely hers during her lifetime, and on her death, the residue will go to her children (our grandchildren).
Any other suggestions on how to sequester her inheritance from the marital assets and her husband?
– Anon
Dear reader,
It is clear you are carrying not only the sadness of being pushed away from your daughter during her illness but also the burden of planning for a future where her husband’s controlling behaviour may cause her further harm.
The fact that you have continued to show restraint, swallowing your pain in order to maintain a relationship with her and your grandchildren, shows deep love and pragmatism. It also explains why you want to be absolutely sure her inheritance is ring-fenced.
Your instinct to use a trust is sound. A properly drafted trust means that any assets you pass to your daughter are not hers to dispose of freely and therefore do not automatically become matrimonial property. If structured correctly, this makes it much harder for her husband to access the capital in the event of separation or divorce.
The trustees can have discretion over when and how funds are distributed, giving flexibility to respond to her needs while limiting exposure to her spouse.
In practice, this could take several forms. A life interest trust provides her income from the assets during her lifetime while preserving the capital for your grandchildren afterwards. A discretionary trust goes further, giving trustees control over both income and capital distributions.
The latter requires you to choose trustees you absolutely trust, ideally individuals who understand both family dynamics and financial responsibilities. You could consider appointing an independent professional alongside a family member to balance personal knowledge with impartiality.
You are also right to anticipate that if your daughter ever separates from her husband, she may be in a vulnerable financial position. That is why it is worth ensuring that her inheritance is not only protected from him but also available to her in a way that does not disadvantage her if she needs to start again. A discretionary trust provides scope for trustees to support the individual with housing, healthcare or education for the children without those funds being considered part of the marital pot.
Some parents worry that creating different structures for one child feels like unequal treatment. It is worth being open with your other children about why you are taking this step. Equality is not always sameness: fairness sometimes means tailoring arrangements to circumstances. Framing it as your way of protecting your daughter and grandchildren – rather than punishing her – can prevent unnecessary resentment later.
It is important to take advice from a solicitor who specialises in estate planning and trusts. The detail of wording matters enormously: if funds are distributed to her outright, they may still be exposed to claims. You should also consider inheritance tax implications, though in most cases, trusts are well recognised and manageable. And, because family situations evolve, you may want to build in some review mechanism so trustees can adapt if your daughter’s circumstances change.
Beyond the legal and financial arrangements, there is also an emotional reality here. You are trying to protect your daughter in a situation where you cannot openly intervene. That feeling of helplessness is painful, but through your will, you have a way of giving her some measure of security. Setting up a trust will not solve the relationship dynamic with her husband, but it will ensure that if she ever needs independence, resources will be available.
What you are proposing is both wise and compassionate. The key steps are to ensure the trust is properly drafted, the right trustees are chosen, and that the purpose is clearly explained to your family. In doing so, you honour all your children equally while acknowledging that one faces particular risks. That balance of realism and care is exactly what thoughtful estate planning is for.
All the best,
– Sam